A few days ago I added a short clip from the film “The Color of Fear”, here is the full version. While many points made in this film are significantly important, today I want to focus a scene that I never really realized I felt until I rewatched the film.
At 19:30 minutes, Loren (in the film) says “it’s like shark infested waters, it doesn’t have to be said, it can be felt. It’s an intuitive. It’s hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have to go through it.”
That is exactly it, it is INTUITIVE. This feeling of always being targeted, judged and belittled is a constant battle that I and many WoC face on a daily basis. I have always been aware of racism, and came about the concept of white privilege and white feminism during my studies. Throughout my learnings, and my own experiences with discrimination I seemed to always tell myself that this is just ONE other ignorant individual. I knew that being a Muslim woman wearing a hijab does not fit the mainstream image of what a woman should look and dress like, but I never realized how much I put effort into showing I AM NORMAL. And then finally, after media’s portrayal of Muslims, Post 9/11, cooled off a bit, I started to feel a bit safe and little more tolerated. I still longed for acceptance, but at least it was a step forward I guess. And then Quebec took a HUGE STEP BACK.
Quebec’s Charter of Values seeks to become a secular state by banning all religious symbols, for the sake of gender equality. This so called secularism, is supposedly showing no preference to one specific religion, so instead of INCLUDING all religions they decide to ban them in the public sector. To avoid discrimination. Yeah, okay.
This is where this INTUITIVE feeling becomes more emphasized. This whole Charter aims to avoid discrimination all while implementing a discriminatory ban that also opened room for people to express OUT LOUD their bigoted and narrow minded opinions. Ever since this Charter was introduced, I am afraid of taking the subway, the bus or even walking to school in downtown Montreal. I just feel eyes are starring at me as though I was prey for them to attack. I do not know how else to explain it, it is a strong feeling I have where I know I am not accepted, and even barely tolerated because people do not UNDERSTAND my hijab and nor do they look to learn about it in order to be open. Even though a physical or verbal attack has not happened to me personally, it has happened to many other Muslim women. So yeah, I am afraid of being next.
Then the famous Janettes spoke out. White feminist women who believe that this Charter will contribute to gender equality. Therefore, banning women from wearing their hijabs- to then lose their jobs that they already worked HARD to get in the first place- is gender equality.
Just knowing that these women are out there, and that people like them exist, my intuitive feeling enhances. I recently had a discussion with a colleague, who I thought was an open minded woman. Naive of me. I thought that getting to know me and having the opportunity to ASK questions to a veiled woman (instead of relying on media to give false information) she would understand the struggles I have to face and accept my hijab. Naive I was indeed. Not only did she tell me she was for the Charter, but she tells me that I SHOULDN’T FEEL LIKE A TARGET (even though this Charter’s focus has become the ban of the hijab) and the Quebec is not racist (even though there is evidence that proves otherwise) , she told me I was PARANOID.
I was paranoid for feeling that this Charter was targeting me and women who look just like me. She then went on to saying that “we even accepted Black people, yeah some racism happened but we are open”. SOME? Some racism? Slavery ring a bell? Does putting Native people on a reserve sound familiar? Quebec NEEDS us, they NEED diversity to be able to function as a society. They needed immigrants to settle, and differences were “tolerated” through the Reasonable Accommodations. Quebec was functioning even with its diversity, people say “Montreal is so multicultural, we are open minded people”. And yet I have not seen/heard as much hate and have never felt so much shame in Quebec until this Charter business. The amount of ignorant and racist comments/slurs online is disgusting and shameful. Why? Because individuals who do not fit the “norm” have been given some leeway in using their fundamental right of “freedom of expression”. The irony.
if you do not fit this mould then 
“Secular state” by EXCLUDING INDIVIDUALS.
“Gender equality” by FIRING MORE FEMALES WHO HAD TO WORK TWICE AS A HARD AS A WHITE FEMALE. These Janettes and white feminists who claim they are fed up with “oppressed Muslim women” and want to save us, and want to fight for all WoC by excluding them are just an embarrassment to the notion of feminism. These white feminist, use their white privilege to STEP ON minority women and men to be able to bring themselves higher.
Then there are those who claim they understand the struggles of minority women, because they wore the hijab for one day or have been discriminated against once in their life. YOU STILL DON’T GET IT, BECAUSE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ON A DAILY BASIS, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT YOUR COLOR, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT YOUR CLOTHING, OR HOW OTHER WOMEN WILL JUDGE YOU.
But while I still appreciate you TRYING to understand, do not claim that YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS, because you don’t. Instead of trying to be the one who saves me, how about actually LISTENING TO MY STRUGGLES and BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE REAL. Do not belittle or minimize them, call me paranoid and blame me for the problem YOU keep causing.
Unveiled & Unweaved 